I got to tell you something...

Dear Jennifer from Grits & Moxie has tagged me to share 5 things about myself. Reading her five, I found out that she is some kind of super-cool creature, able to defy matter and time. See for yourself!

Now I know these kinds of posts are usually quite light-hearted. I warn you, this one won't be. I've been thinking about what kind of things I wanted to share with you, and as I had already been contemplating on a few matters that I feel I should be more honest about, this came at the right time.  Each one of these would probably warrant a post on its own, so excuse me while I come clean...

I am going to be 36 years old on 3 May. I do not know why telling you how old I am seems to be such a big issue for me. I do feel like an imposter sometimes, 'hanging out' with blogger friends who are way younger than I am, so here we go: I'm almost old enough to be your Mama! Doesn't mean I'm any wiser or more clued in, though.

Marco and I are not planning a family. Seeing as you now know about my old age, you might be wondering: where are the babies? There aren't any, there aren't even any thoughts of making one. I am not saying that it will always stay like this, but right now we're happy with each other's company and as a family of two. This is a conscious decision, not influenced by circumstance or medical conditions.

I am a size 20. Even being tall, this makes me obese. And I am not happy with my size. Not at all. I wish I could say I was, but I loathe the surplus body I carry around with me. I am fat. And although I am trying to be honest here, I would not be comfortable telling you what I actually weigh. I am too embarrassed by that number. In my mind, I am slim. I chase after the bus, I go hiking, I jump up and down at concerts, I love to swim, run and to be active. But then I get self-conscious when I remember what I really look like. I am shocked every time I see photos of myself, or my reflection in a mirror. I really want to lose some a lot of weight. I did it before. I shed 30 kg, and I felt fit and healthy. There was less of me, but still I felt more like myself. Now I am so angry and annoyed that I let myself go again. I know, it should be easy. Exercise more and eat less. But add my head to the equation, and it gets just so utterly, utterly complicated and frustrating.

I am reclusive. I love the few friends I have to bits, but sometimes it is very hard for me to keep in touch. I am happy in my own company. It feels easier being by myself, as I am always trying super-hard to please everybody when I am around others. I love all you internet people for engaging with me here, but if you should ever suggest we meet up in real life, you will send me into a state of mild panic. I do try to be sociable, but I usually prefer being the quiet one sitting in the corner and observing.

I am really insecure. If you pay me a compliment, I will not believe you, or I will try and talk it down.  I do not know how to accept one graciously. I say thanks, but I will still doubt your judgement  For some reason, I seem to come across as this confident, strong, creative person. I have no idea why, because I mostly feel like I am a failure and a mess. I am not saying this to fish for compliments, because you already know that I can't handle those. Sometimes, though, when I do think that I have done something well, I have the really annoying habit of talking about my achievement forever, mostly to poor Marco, asking him to analyse every little thing with me, almost like I am trying to commit the success factors to memory, so that the triumph might be repeated. If I then try the same thing again and fail, I will be heartbroken and devastated.

 ***

And that is it. Phew. Sorry for abusing you for therapeutic purposes. I feel better now. You probably feel worse. Can I make you a tea? I just felt like I was kind of hiding these things and we'll be better friends if I can be honest about them.

I'd like to tag Susi, Jessie, Aimee, Vaida and Jo to share next. No pressure at all, and please feel free to be as light-hearted and whimsical (or as heavy and solemn) as you like with your 5 things.

Much love,

© Text & Photos - Annika - All The Live Long Day (unless otherwise stated).

An Awarding Experience

I really don't know how it always happens, but it makes me happy, happy, happy that some people like my blog enough to want to award it. One of these people is Gabriela from The Clueless Pixie, who honoured this space with the Liebster. 
Now I know people do not appreciate long thank-you speeches, so I will just quickly say how chuffed I am to have received this big fat heart of bloggy love and how flattered and amazed I am by the words Gabriela chose to describe All The Live Long Day. And then I will move on to the questions that she asked me to answer in return for accepting. But beware. I wrote an essay for most all of them! ***

Well... I've had my ears pierced in 5 places and used to wear a nose stud, too. I wear earrings every day, and necklaces, brooches or bracelets often. While I am writing this, I have a turquoise strand of fake hair clipped to my scalp and am sporting green nail polish. This year, I would really love to finally get a tattoo. So I guess I'd say I am inclined to be in favour of adornment!

I am not sure about this. I really don't like using Facebook all that much, but I have made some really good connections through Twitter, Instagram (when it wasn't owned by Facebook) and of course, my blog. I think if you really care about the people you like, follow or 'befriend' and don't just do that because you want to look popular, social networking can add value to your life. The best example is my Twitter list for people and organisations that are local to me. I find out about a lot of events in my area through it and have actually met a few of my "neighbours" because of it. I feel more involved with my community, and that is definitely positive. 

Again, not sure, but I always liked the characters in Astrid Lindgren's books. Pippi Longstocking, obviously. Also the less-known ones like Emil or Ronja. They seemed to have the perfect childhoods to me. Growing up independently, always up for adventure, running around, surrounded by nature and even though they did not often do what the adults expected of them, they always were forgiven in the end and you could tell their families loved them, really. I think they were brilliant role models.

I am new to electronic reading, as I have only had my eReader since Christmas. I wasn't sure if I even wanted one for the longest time. I'm an ex-bookseller and also old-fashioned, so I could never imagine liking the experience. I think reading a real book engages more of my senses, and thus is better for my soul. But I definitely would not want to give back my little electronic library either, as it's so convenient. They're different experiences, but both have a place in my life.

Another grey area. I've grown up with IKEA, and still have a lot of their stuff in my home. It's like it's become a part of me! Each new catalogue feels like a little life event to me. I like that they carry affordable, interesting furniture. I like assembling the flatpacks. Yes, really. I like he meatballs and the hot dogs. And the bread mix they sell! It's like German bread! I like that Marco and I now seem to be able to go together without ending up having a fight. I like that they seem to care about ethical manufacturing and shopping. I don't like the mayhem that goes on inside the shop on the weekend or evenings. I don't like that they are now skimping on material to be able to stay affordable. I do not like the hassle that you can have with customer service. 

Depends on the people! If they are horrible, stinky, piss-drunk, abusive, bad-shit-crazy or all of the above, I would rather they did not bother me. If they are lovely, I welcome random conversations. Like the other day, when a gorgeous Italian lady asked me where she needed to get off, and it evolved into us knowing each others names and having a conversation about cheating boyfriends and following our dreams. That was nice.

I like it if books are really imaginative and take me to another world, like Life Of Pi did, for example. It does not literally have to be another world, even though I like Fantasy and SF, but I like reading about things that I do not know much about already. Like when I read The Lacuna and learnt about Frida Kahlo and the Mexican revolution. Or when I read Mildred Pierce and learnt about being a businesswoman in the 1930s. I also really appreciate good use of language, be it in a poetical or grammatical sense. I do not care for books that are badly written, even if the story interests me.

Lists! Lists and silence and alone time.

I like fall. The fresh clean air, the colours, the smells. It comes with opportunities to light a fire, drink hot chocolate and get cosy. I think it suits my melancholy disposition, as it's the time of year when nature goes into introvert mode and starts replenishing all its strength for the coming spring. To me, it's a time of reflection and promise.

French. I've tried, too. It just never seems to stick much. And I can't get my head around the grammar. Or the counting! If only I could live in Paris for a year, I'm sure I could pick it up... I'm not much of a classroom learner. Quel domage.

Maybe tolerance? I try to be open-minded and accepting. I want to hear both sides of a story before making my mind up about somebody. Sadly, this sometimes works better with the people around me than with myself. ***
And now for some blogs that I think deserve an award. I've done this before, and I think you already know the people that I have been reading for a while, so I wanted to list a few places that are new and exciting to me.
The Clueless Pixie - I know, Gabriela passed on the award, so she obviously already has one herself, but please go and visit her! She's a very intelligent writer on any subject, and I appreciate her dry sense of humour and her photography.
Aimee J Arnold - Actually, Aimee was one of my first readers, but has now picked up blogging with full force. She is a really talented crocheter and artist, a mom of four and also fairly deadpan. What can I say, I like a girl with a sense of humour!
Thrift Street - Here you will mainly find delicious, down-to-earth food on a budget. And some knitting. I feel really welcome and at home whenever I visit those pages. And last year, I was even inspired to make rose hip syrup.
Kitty Cat Stevens - Jenna is just really, really nice. She loves cats (her Olive is beautiful) and is a marshmallow maker (yup!). She also takes wonderful photos and shares stories about her life in Tennessee. Go swoon!
Loulou Downtown - First off, Loulou gets a bonus for being Canadian, We all know they're lovely. Secondly, she is quite cool. She has a great dress sense, a fantastic eye for urban photography and plays in a band!  This combined with her fondness for cats and vintage things made me want to be friends.
As I have made my head hurt by writing this much, please accept my apologies for not thinking of eleven new questions to pass on. If you want to participate, please could you just go with Gabriela's set or have a look here? Thanks bunches!


© Text & Photos - Annika - All The Live Long Day (unless otherwise stated).

My Word

Alas, like so many of my blogger friends have done already, I have finally found my word for the year 2013. But it is March now, you say? I say: I am slow. It's one of the things I have come to accept about me.

My mind did not seem to work right whenever I started thinking about what word could possibly sum up all my aspirations, and I finally turned to my tarot deck for some help. The first card I drew was perfect. The Seven of Wands, a card that symbolizes struggle, challenges and the readiness to fight. But it can also mean strength, self-belief, and courage. And see how the man holding the wand is wearing odd shoes? I think he is as absent-minded as I can sometimes be...
So, with all the contradicting meanings that this card carries, I figured out that my word for this year should be BALANCE.
I would love to be able to find the strength to fight my doubts, my worries and my feelings of inadequacy. I would like to learn how to control my tendencies to overindulge (in food, in brooding, in anger, in solitude...) and how to stop berating myself for my excessive behaviour. I would love to become more well-rounded in spirit, while being less rotund in the actual flesh.
I am seeking stability, because I often get dragged under in a perceived white-water rush of making decisions while figuring out what's best for me, or caught in a head full of contravening thoughts. I feel that knowing that BALANCE is my final aim will help me stop and re-focus when I am feeling like I am being swept away.
I absolutely do need BALANCE in my life, and I sure hope I can become more balanced and calm if I put my mind to it, persevere, and do not give up if it seems like a struggle.
Did you pick a word or mantra to help you focus on what is important this year? And has it been helping you already? Please do share your thoughts in the comment section.
© Text & Photos - Annika - All The Live Long Day (unless otherwise stated).

The Mood I'm In

Hi Folks.
I'm in a funny mood these days. I just feel like I want to ball up somewhere and think, think, think. I took this week off work, so I should really have a lot of opportunities to sort out the things that have been on my to-do list for the longest time (like, blogging?!). 
But all I managed to do yesterday is to spend most of the day on the sofa in my comfy pants, with my novel and hot chocolate, the cat Mae sleeping beside me and the wind blowing scatters of snowflakes around the house. I did not even have the energy to make myself some food, so that I was really hungry at dinner time and ended up ordering Indian takeaway for Marco and me. I'm in a funk.
In in little while, Marco and I will drive up to his English family north of London and I will have to attend my first ever funeral. We will be burying Marco's great aunt Ann, who passed away at the age of 93. I had only met her a few times, but she had always been very welcoming, warm-hearted and full of spunk and stories. 
Even though she could not move around a lot anymore, her mind was quick and she gave audience to her family from her sofa, with everybody sitting around her in her little living room. I am really sad that Marco and I did not take the chance to say goodbye to her in person, as she was sick for a little while before she died. Life got in the way, and maybe we hoped she would get better, but I had a feeling that she was not going to be here much longer, and I should have listened to my heart.
I have good things to share as well, like more photos from my travels, something of an amazing job opportunity (which I also have to make my mind up about), some happy mail. I hope I will get myself sorted, soon and be more present here. In the meantime, maybe go visit Jennifer at Grits & Moxie, as I hung out around there on Saturday. Have a little read around her blog if you do not know her already, she's lovely!

Much love,

© Text & Photos - Annika - All The Live Long Day (unless otherwise stated).

Once again...

Remember when I answered a bunch of questions for Sarah recently? Well, guess who's popular? I've only been tagged again! This time by Michelle from Creature Type. Thanks, Hon! These are the questions Michelle asked, and my answers:  

Do you believe in guilty pleasures? Why/why not?

I absolutely do! It's a good thing to indulge in silly, childish or unhealthy pursuits from time to time. I just often have the problem of developing an addiction, be it to TV series like 90201, to Nutella or to buying vintage crockery...

What is your favourite/most-loved souvenir?

 

 It's a little snow globe I bought in Paris on the weekend my husband proposed to me.

 

 What’s the worst job you’ve ever had to work?

Erm. I hope nobody I am professionally involved with reads this, but my current job is pretty dull. I'm an office administrator, and a big part of my working routine is about filling in forms. However, I like my colleagues, my office and the pay, so I try not to complain too much.

Even if you don’t generally like pop music, what’s your favourite pop song?

Walking On Sunshine by Katrina & The Waves is pretty high up there.

 

What hobby/subject has made you the most fan-girly or obsessive? Was it a phase?

Have a look here. And yes, it was a phase. I'm over him now. Although I still think he's attractive... 

 

What’s your favourite kind of cuisine?

That's like asking a mother who her favourite child is! I love all food! But if I had to choose, I think I'd want to eat Thai food for the rest of my life. 

 

Which is your favourite Harry Potter book? Movie?

I am not massively into Potter, so I cannot really give an answer to this. I've read all the books and enjoyed them, and I've seen some of the movies (cannot remember which ones, though). The cinematography and special effects were pretty neat, but I don't really get all too excited over them.

If you could have any hair colour – naturally and maintenance-free – what would it be?

I would have loved to have sleek, rich dark brown hair like my Mama had when she was young. At this point in my life though, I cannot wait until I go grey completely, as my mousey brown colour combined with grey streaks just doesn't really do it for me. 

What is your favourite drink? Not necessarily boozy!

I'm boring. I like water. And tea. Which is generally made with water.

What musical(s) do you know all the lyrics to?

Not sure if this counts as a musical (even though it's now been adapted for the stage), but I think I can sing every song from Dirty Dancing.

What’s the last movie you saw in a theatre?

I saw Beasts Of The Southern Wild, which was sad and inspiring and very poetic.

  © Text & Photos - Annika - All The Live Long Day (unless otherwise stated).

Just tagging along...

My new bloggy acquaintance Sarah from Well & Cheaply tagged me for the answers to some questions a couple of days ago. Now, I'm supposed to ask a few other bloggers my own questions, but because I already did something like this a little while ago, I thought I'd do it slightly differently this time. I'd be really interested in how you would answer any or all of these questions, so I'd love you to indulge me in the comments. Also, if you have anything that you would like to ask me, shoot and I will write another post with the answers to your questions soon. Okay? Here goes.

 

Um. Hardly ever? I always thought that was because I didn’t like going to the hairdresser’s and getting your hair cut was so expensive, but even now that I have found a really nice one that is also affordable, I still do not go more often. I usually trim a bit of my fringe myself when it gets too long. Which reminds me: I got to book an appointment!

If you’re talking author: Ernest Hemingway. If you’re talking character: Phileas Fogg (from Around The World In Eighty Days). I part want to be WITH them and part simply just BE them (without Ernest’s shot gun suicide).

 

I usually retire sometime between 10 and midnight. I need a lot of sleep to be at minimum grump level, so I tend to have a similar bedtime during the week and on the weekends.

   

I love semolina porridge. Any kind of porridge is good, but semolina just has the best taste and consistency to be completely and utterly comforting. I like to eat it with stewed fruit. It reminds me of childhood.

 

I picture a round chocolate cake on a round plate, with three layers, chocolate cream filling and chocolate icing. On top is written “Happy Birthday” and there are little sugar flowers and a bunch of those little candles, one for each year. The cake is being carried to me by my husband Marco and his face is lit up by the candle flames. I have a vivid cake imagination. Does anybody actually have some cake for me now???

 

I have a list for news channels on Twitter and try and watch the evening news on TV. Sometimes, I must admit, I get my news by reading other people’s newspaper over their shoulder.

 

I think that changed through the years. I remember two toys I was really attached to and which both went through little tragedies. I had a little stuffed toy mouse called Beate, who once went overboard on a sailing trip. Luckily, she was rescued, and we were reunited. I also had a MonChiChi doll (I don't recall his name) which somehow ended up with a hole in its head after a playground visit.

Last year at this time, I was visiting my family in Canada. I had lots of guest posters, but on 3^rd October, I actually checked in and briefly told everybody what I had been up to so far. I wish I was in Canada now. It always feels like home to me.

Coffee & eggs in bed. Windows cracked open to listen to the rain. The cats would be there, and they’d want cuddles. A drive to the coast and a long walk on the beach. Getting wet, but feeling refreshed. A pub with a view of the ocean and a fireplace, roast lunch and a few beers to get just slightly drunk. A museum. Sober up, drive back and buy cake. Get caught in traffic. That's fine, because there's music in the car, and I like hearing the windshield wipers. Back home, a fire and hot chocolate with marshmallows, cuddle up on the sofa, eat cake, watch an old movie, fall asleep. -- Oooh, I want to make it happen!

 

Don’t judge.

 Hm. Toughie. This one. I think.

Now you. 

Talk to me!

  © Text & Photos - Annika - All The Live Long Day (unless otherwise stated).