I got to tell you something...

Dear Jennifer from Grits & Moxie has tagged me to share 5 things about myself. Reading her five, I found out that she is some kind of super-cool creature, able to defy matter and time. See for yourself!

Now I know these kinds of posts are usually quite light-hearted. I warn you, this one won't be. I've been thinking about what kind of things I wanted to share with you, and as I had already been contemplating on a few matters that I feel I should be more honest about, this came at the right time.  Each one of these would probably warrant a post on its own, so excuse me while I come clean...

I am going to be 36 years old on 3 May. I do not know why telling you how old I am seems to be such a big issue for me. I do feel like an imposter sometimes, 'hanging out' with blogger friends who are way younger than I am, so here we go: I'm almost old enough to be your Mama! Doesn't mean I'm any wiser or more clued in, though.

Marco and I are not planning a family. Seeing as you now know about my old age, you might be wondering: where are the babies? There aren't any, there aren't even any thoughts of making one. I am not saying that it will always stay like this, but right now we're happy with each other's company and as a family of two. This is a conscious decision, not influenced by circumstance or medical conditions.

I am a size 20. Even being tall, this makes me obese. And I am not happy with my size. Not at all. I wish I could say I was, but I loathe the surplus body I carry around with me. I am fat. And although I am trying to be honest here, I would not be comfortable telling you what I actually weigh. I am too embarrassed by that number. In my mind, I am slim. I chase after the bus, I go hiking, I jump up and down at concerts, I love to swim, run and to be active. But then I get self-conscious when I remember what I really look like. I am shocked every time I see photos of myself, or my reflection in a mirror. I really want to lose some a lot of weight. I did it before. I shed 30 kg, and I felt fit and healthy. There was less of me, but still I felt more like myself. Now I am so angry and annoyed that I let myself go again. I know, it should be easy. Exercise more and eat less. But add my head to the equation, and it gets just so utterly, utterly complicated and frustrating.

I am reclusive. I love the few friends I have to bits, but sometimes it is very hard for me to keep in touch. I am happy in my own company. It feels easier being by myself, as I am always trying super-hard to please everybody when I am around others. I love all you internet people for engaging with me here, but if you should ever suggest we meet up in real life, you will send me into a state of mild panic. I do try to be sociable, but I usually prefer being the quiet one sitting in the corner and observing.

I am really insecure. If you pay me a compliment, I will not believe you, or I will try and talk it down.  I do not know how to accept one graciously. I say thanks, but I will still doubt your judgement  For some reason, I seem to come across as this confident, strong, creative person. I have no idea why, because I mostly feel like I am a failure and a mess. I am not saying this to fish for compliments, because you already know that I can't handle those. Sometimes, though, when I do think that I have done something well, I have the really annoying habit of talking about my achievement forever, mostly to poor Marco, asking him to analyse every little thing with me, almost like I am trying to commit the success factors to memory, so that the triumph might be repeated. If I then try the same thing again and fail, I will be heartbroken and devastated.

 ***

And that is it. Phew. Sorry for abusing you for therapeutic purposes. I feel better now. You probably feel worse. Can I make you a tea? I just felt like I was kind of hiding these things and we'll be better friends if I can be honest about them.

I'd like to tag Susi, Jessie, Aimee, Vaida and Jo to share next. No pressure at all, and please feel free to be as light-hearted and whimsical (or as heavy and solemn) as you like with your 5 things.

Much love,

© Text & Photos - Annika - All The Live Long Day (unless otherwise stated).

Afternooning

My Word

Alas, like so many of my blogger friends have done already, I have finally found my word for the year 2013. But it is March now, you say? I say: I am slow. It's one of the things I have come to accept about me.

My mind did not seem to work right whenever I started thinking about what word could possibly sum up all my aspirations, and I finally turned to my tarot deck for some help. The first card I drew was perfect. The Seven of Wands, a card that symbolizes struggle, challenges and the readiness to fight. But it can also mean strength, self-belief, and courage. And see how the man holding the wand is wearing odd shoes? I think he is as absent-minded as I can sometimes be...
So, with all the contradicting meanings that this card carries, I figured out that my word for this year should be BALANCE.
I would love to be able to find the strength to fight my doubts, my worries and my feelings of inadequacy. I would like to learn how to control my tendencies to overindulge (in food, in brooding, in anger, in solitude...) and how to stop berating myself for my excessive behaviour. I would love to become more well-rounded in spirit, while being less rotund in the actual flesh.
I am seeking stability, because I often get dragged under in a perceived white-water rush of making decisions while figuring out what's best for me, or caught in a head full of contravening thoughts. I feel that knowing that BALANCE is my final aim will help me stop and re-focus when I am feeling like I am being swept away.
I absolutely do need BALANCE in my life, and I sure hope I can become more balanced and calm if I put my mind to it, persevere, and do not give up if it seems like a struggle.
Did you pick a word or mantra to help you focus on what is important this year? And has it been helping you already? Please do share your thoughts in the comment section.
© Text & Photos - Annika - All The Live Long Day (unless otherwise stated).

The Mood I'm In

Hi Folks.
I'm in a funny mood these days. I just feel like I want to ball up somewhere and think, think, think. I took this week off work, so I should really have a lot of opportunities to sort out the things that have been on my to-do list for the longest time (like, blogging?!). 
But all I managed to do yesterday is to spend most of the day on the sofa in my comfy pants, with my novel and hot chocolate, the cat Mae sleeping beside me and the wind blowing scatters of snowflakes around the house. I did not even have the energy to make myself some food, so that I was really hungry at dinner time and ended up ordering Indian takeaway for Marco and me. I'm in a funk.
In in little while, Marco and I will drive up to his English family north of London and I will have to attend my first ever funeral. We will be burying Marco's great aunt Ann, who passed away at the age of 93. I had only met her a few times, but she had always been very welcoming, warm-hearted and full of spunk and stories. 
Even though she could not move around a lot anymore, her mind was quick and she gave audience to her family from her sofa, with everybody sitting around her in her little living room. I am really sad that Marco and I did not take the chance to say goodbye to her in person, as she was sick for a little while before she died. Life got in the way, and maybe we hoped she would get better, but I had a feeling that she was not going to be here much longer, and I should have listened to my heart.
I have good things to share as well, like more photos from my travels, something of an amazing job opportunity (which I also have to make my mind up about), some happy mail. I hope I will get myself sorted, soon and be more present here. In the meantime, maybe go visit Jennifer at Grits & Moxie, as I hung out around there on Saturday. Have a little read around her blog if you do not know her already, she's lovely!

Much love,

© Text & Photos - Annika - All The Live Long Day (unless otherwise stated).

Sunday Morning Goodness

© Text & Photos - Annika - All The Live Long Day (unless otherwise stated).

What? It's almost February???

Hi People! If you are still here. Seeing as I haven't been... As usual in January, I am in a bit of a blogging slump. Or maybe I'm just feeling slumpy all over. Comes with the post-Christmas come-down, which this year is combined with post-holiday blues. I haven't even picked my word yet, unlike so many other bloggers. Yes, I am indeed still reading blogs. Just the writing is an issue. But the time will come.  By the way, did you enjoy all the fantabulous guest posters that came to visit here in November and December? I need to give them all a BIG thank you for sharing their brilliance with you and me. Just in case you missed any of them, here are the links to their posts:
Pretty Things/Mandy Celebrations/Jennifer Spirituality/Amy Tea/Vanessa Blogging Advice/Sarah Graphic Design/Michelle Australia/Fiona Cookies/Russell
And even though I have not shown my face around here for a while, let me assure you that I have not been completely idle. Here are a few of the things that I've been up to in the last few weeks:

Spent Christmas at home in Germany.

 Celebrated my Oma's 80th.

Eaten a lot of festive food.

Cooked my first ever Christmas turkey, successfully!

Had drinks at a bar with no name with lovely company (named Christina, Rich & Marco).

Gone for walks.

Made the cats cuddle with me.

 Designed and ordered some business cards from Zazzle for when I do pick up blogging again.

Rescued mice when the cats had to reconfirm their wild animal status after too much cuddling.

Cross-stitched a birthday present for a dear friend.

Said goodbye to the sparkly season in style with carols, Glühwein & a bonfire at 

the awesome Geffrye Museum.

What about you? Did you have a good change-over? How is your 2013 shaping up so far? Have you big plans? Picked a word? Or are you taken the slow approach like me? In what ever way you are tackling the next 12 months, I hope that they will be happy and joyful and full of fervour. Eventually...

See you soon!

© Text & Photos - Annika - All The Live Long Day (unless otherwise stated).

Being Spiritual with Amy from Fate-Filled Times

For today, I can give you a very special post from my online friend Amy. Amy and I met through a shared love of tea and have since discovered that we also both like cats, nature and Instagram. I love Amy's blog for the inspiration it gives me and for her earnest approach to art, life, and happiness. In her guest post, Amy is sharing with us what being spiritual means to her and gives some helpful hints on how to bring more spirit into your daily life.

Thanks so much!

***

Greetings fellow All The Live Long Day readers! 

My name is Amy and I blog over at Fate-Filled Times. 

Annika and I met through a tea swap online and we've been pals ever since. Annika is beyond sweet* and I am honoured to be a guest blogger while she is away. 

*(Editor's note: you're so kind to say that! x)

Over on my blog, I often write about my life journey with emphasis on art and spirituality. 

Today I'd like to share with you what my spirituality means to me. 

  

For me, feeling spiritual involves:

*feeling connected to something mysterious and greater than myself

*a feeling there is a greater force at work all around me

*someone or something I can pray to and who I know hears me

I tend to call this force The Universe. 

The reason I like to call my beliefs spiritual is I feel free to create the definition of what I believe in rather than following a prescribed path. I believe in so many aspects of all of religions and belief systems! I can see the benefit of many paths, yet none of them individually and exclusively appeal to me. There are many common threads through various beliefs and I like to think we are all connected through these threads, regardless of our chosen beliefs.   

Where Do I Find My Spirituality?

It is important for my psyche and for my heart to have meaningful spiritual moments. I've learned in my life that I feel most connected to the sacred when I am:

*Connected to nature, to the earth, to the sky, to the lakes and oceans, streams, fields, trees, sun and moon.

And

*Expressive in the arts, through writing, blogging, photography, art journaling, painting and creating.

Being in nature and expressing through art and writing unequivocally heal my spirit and connect me to that which is greater than myself.

These are the things that fill me up. These are the places I go when I feel broken down, hollowed out, confused and lost. These are the places where I feel lifted, inspired, connected and content.

These are my pathways to clarity; my spiritual spaces.

Discover what connects you to your spirituality and indulge in it. Treat yourself to adventures, practices, hobbies, spaces and places that are sacred to you.  

Ask Yourself:

Your spirituality can be found anywhere meaningful to you!

Spiritual moments might be felt in:

*a hot bath

*meditation

*yoga practice

*the light of a full moon

*reading the words of Rilke

*the sounds of a church choir

*a newborn baby sleeping in your arms

*the crunch of fall leaves under your boots

*driving in your car with your favourite music

*or any space or place where you feel the most 

connected to yourself, the world and 

that which is sacred to you

Having reminders of these spiritual connections in my home or that I carry with me make a difference in my days and in my energy. 

How can you make your space sacred?

*Cleanse your space with open windows, intention, and maybe even some sage smoke.

*Collect mementos to remind you of your spirituality and place them in your space. Create an altar.

*Create a blessing for your home. Say it out loud. Hang it up.

Since I prefer to be in the company of nature and art, I like to have plants in my home, to bring nature indoors. I also enjoy paintings and stained glass in my space. I have many natural stones and crystals as well as feathers, shells and salt lamps.

How can you carry sacred items with you?

*Carry small sacred items with you with you when you are on the go. You can also carry items in a pouch and keep in your bag/purse or wear them.

*Keep meaningful quotes and notes with you that you can refer to.

*Take photos of sacred symbols, places or people with your phone and look through them on your commute.

I like to wear jewelry with precious and semi precious stones as well as jewelry that has been passed down through my family. I keep a small pouch with me that I can fill with whatever item speaks to me (such as herbs, stones and shells) and I keep it in my bag. I like to wear natural materials that are protective and calming while I am out in the busy world. Oil blends are also nice to wear for the benefit of aromatherapy.

Our spirits can very easily be depleted by all the negative energy and toxic people/spaces. Fuel up on the good stuff as often as you can. 

And, while you are out in the world, remember...

Thanks so much for reading and a special thanks to Annika for hosting me on your wonderful blog.

Take good care of yourself (and your spirit),

Amy

© Amy - Fate-Filled Times

Just tagging along...

My new bloggy acquaintance Sarah from Well & Cheaply tagged me for the answers to some questions a couple of days ago. Now, I'm supposed to ask a few other bloggers my own questions, but because I already did something like this a little while ago, I thought I'd do it slightly differently this time. I'd be really interested in how you would answer any or all of these questions, so I'd love you to indulge me in the comments. Also, if you have anything that you would like to ask me, shoot and I will write another post with the answers to your questions soon. Okay? Here goes.

 

Um. Hardly ever? I always thought that was because I didn’t like going to the hairdresser’s and getting your hair cut was so expensive, but even now that I have found a really nice one that is also affordable, I still do not go more often. I usually trim a bit of my fringe myself when it gets too long. Which reminds me: I got to book an appointment!

If you’re talking author: Ernest Hemingway. If you’re talking character: Phileas Fogg (from Around The World In Eighty Days). I part want to be WITH them and part simply just BE them (without Ernest’s shot gun suicide).

 

I usually retire sometime between 10 and midnight. I need a lot of sleep to be at minimum grump level, so I tend to have a similar bedtime during the week and on the weekends.

   

I love semolina porridge. Any kind of porridge is good, but semolina just has the best taste and consistency to be completely and utterly comforting. I like to eat it with stewed fruit. It reminds me of childhood.

 

I picture a round chocolate cake on a round plate, with three layers, chocolate cream filling and chocolate icing. On top is written “Happy Birthday” and there are little sugar flowers and a bunch of those little candles, one for each year. The cake is being carried to me by my husband Marco and his face is lit up by the candle flames. I have a vivid cake imagination. Does anybody actually have some cake for me now???

 

I have a list for news channels on Twitter and try and watch the evening news on TV. Sometimes, I must admit, I get my news by reading other people’s newspaper over their shoulder.

 

I think that changed through the years. I remember two toys I was really attached to and which both went through little tragedies. I had a little stuffed toy mouse called Beate, who once went overboard on a sailing trip. Luckily, she was rescued, and we were reunited. I also had a MonChiChi doll (I don't recall his name) which somehow ended up with a hole in its head after a playground visit.

Last year at this time, I was visiting my family in Canada. I had lots of guest posters, but on 3^rd October, I actually checked in and briefly told everybody what I had been up to so far. I wish I was in Canada now. It always feels like home to me.

Coffee & eggs in bed. Windows cracked open to listen to the rain. The cats would be there, and they’d want cuddles. A drive to the coast and a long walk on the beach. Getting wet, but feeling refreshed. A pub with a view of the ocean and a fireplace, roast lunch and a few beers to get just slightly drunk. A museum. Sober up, drive back and buy cake. Get caught in traffic. That's fine, because there's music in the car, and I like hearing the windshield wipers. Back home, a fire and hot chocolate with marshmallows, cuddle up on the sofa, eat cake, watch an old movie, fall asleep. -- Oooh, I want to make it happen!

 

Don’t judge.

 Hm. Toughie. This one. I think.

Now you. 

Talk to me!

  © Text & Photos - Annika - All The Live Long Day (unless otherwise stated).

The Sea

So often I feel a great yearning inside me. 

To stand on the shore.

To hear water meet with beach. 

To watch seagulls levitate.

To smell the salt and the seaweed. 

To breathe in deeply.

Filling my soul with clean fresh air.

Emptying my mind of worries.

I love that the sea can do this to me.

It never fails to offer me comfort.

© All The Live Long Day (unless otherwise stated)

I Heart The Cookie Monster

He's like a soul mate to me!

{via}

I'm having a lovely time being on my week's vacation at home, just me and the cats. I've been reading (The Hunger Games, finally! I'm already on book two!), having nice breakfasts, answering long overdue emails, amusing the cats with pieces of string, displeasing the cats by snatching a starling away from them, and have also done several loads of laundry (which means ironing later in the week, bleargh). As expected, I've been taking a nap a day, too! 
The weather has been crazy, especially today, with hail and thunderstorms, so it's nice that I can just go to the kitchen and make myself a cup of tea to dunk a cookie in instead of having to battle for space on the underground with other wet commuters. I hope I win the lottery soon, so that this can become my regular lifestyle! 

© Text & Photos - Annika - All The Live Long Day (unless otherwise stated).